MGEL Mini: This Is Not A Blog. It’s A Rescue Mission.
I keep circling around an idea that I can’t quite put my finger on.
It all centers on permission.
On a refusal to keep living in denial.
On a deep desire to understand and heal.
Sometimes I can see things clear as day–yes, there are things I need to heal from.
And then other days all I can hear is one of the old authority figures in my life,
telling me I’m a weak and pathetic “snowflake,”
that nothing is wrong with me,
that I’m a whining loser with a victim complex.
This blog is me fighting back.
It is me refusing to listen to that voice, to live in the denial they wanted to keep me in.
But there are many, many days when that voice takes up a ton of real estate in my head
and shames me into silence.
I feel torn in two: one side screaming that I’m weak and worthless
for feeling so hurt and broken,
the other whispering
I feel this way for a reason.
This always comes back when I start getting comfortable owning my story.
Every time I start acknowledging that other people hurt me–
that it wasn’t okay then, and it still isn’t now.
When I start to find my voice.
The Snowflake Feeling hits hard whenever I shine a light into all of those
cracks and corners of my mind–
places I’d thought would exist in quiet darkness for the rest of my life.
It makes me feel like an imposter in my own pain, almost like I’m…
stealing valor?
As if pain has qualifications I haven’t met.
As if I’m just pretending to be a victim.
Stealing attention from those who really need it.
But that can’t be true.
I’ve struggled with this my whole life.
I’ve never even been able to talk about it until now.
So who am I stealing valor from?
Who am I performing for?
How could I be lying?
This project is not a blog.
It’s a rescue mission.
To remind myself I am not crazy.
I am not lying.
I am not trying to hurt anyone.
I don’t owe anyone anything.
And I deserve safety, just like everyone else.
So here’s another circuit in that orbit–
maybe next time I’ll remember:
I am not lying.
I am not crazy.
I deserve to take up space.
