What is MGEL?

This site exists to archive my voice — to make real what was so often ignored, minimized, or silenced. It’s sacred ground for healing. A place where I can finally set down the weight of shame and just be, without apology.

Bringing a voice to my inside world feels scary and strange - I really value my privacy. But when I started working to better my mental health, I couldn’t find a space for someone like me — someone with my particular mix of trauma, neurodivergence, and mental illness. That isolation was crushing.

So I started this blog. Maybe it helps someone else feel less alone. Maybe it just helps me feel real. Either way, I’ve decided to speak.

Because I spent 40 years feeling like I didn’t matter. But I do. I did. I always did. Just by being here — by being alive in a universe that mostly isn’t — I mattered. I want to learn how to live like it’s true.

Some of what I share here will be deeply personal, even embarrassing. Probably embarrassing. I may repeat topics over and over. That’s how I process - by circling something until I understand it. It may be triggering. It may be messy. It will be messy.

But I believe that when we speak our uncomfortable truths, we make space for others to recognize themselves — and maybe even begin to heal. And if someone - anyone - should read this and feel a little less alone? A little less pain? A little more understood? I know exactly what it would have meant to me, and I would love to offer that lifeline to someone else.

As for me, I live with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and CPTSD. I’ve recently discovered that I have trauma to heal from, because until just last year I thought talking about my past was “whining” or “exaggerating.” About 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. That diagnosis changed everything - I finally had a name for what I was experiencing. I’m neurodivergent — explaining a lifetime of feeling like I was “too much” and “not enough” all at once.

For me, it shows up as high sensitivity, emotional and physical alike. I feel like a raw nerve, exposed to a world that is much too hard for someone built so soft. Some days I can function. Others I can’t. But I’m learning to show up for myself anyway.

This isn’t a tidy how-to guide for achieving mental clarity. I’m a messy person, clawing my way out of the darkest depression I’ve ever known. I make mistakes. I self-sabotage. I doubt myself constantly.

But I’m learning to challenge the negative beliefs I’ve carried into adulthood — the ones that whisper I’m not good enough, the ones that keep me small.

Here, I’ll explore those beliefs, trace their origins, and look for ways to soften their grip.

If any of this resonates with you — or if you just want a front-row seat to someone rebuilding in real time — welcome.

-A